Testicle Crushers UNITE!

This post was published two years ago.  Sadly, it's time to post again. 
Extreme? Hmmm...

If you don't know what stilettos have to do with crushing testicles, READ HERE.     Or HERE.

But really, it's not extreme when you consider, that in this day and age, the fact that 200 MILLION WOMEN AND GIRLS have endured the horrors of FEMALE GENITALIA MUTILATION WORLD WIDE. 

IN CASE YOU'RE NOT A MATH MAJOR... Given that our population is roughly 7.5 Billion, so roughly 3.75 billion of them are female...

THAT MEANS 1 IN 18 FEMALES HAVE BEEN SLASHED.

Happy Mother's Day

©Susan Jaye 2013

Happy Mother's Day!    .

In 1994, I was fed up with Mother's Day cards.  Every card I saw, either said something snarky or sappy, and nothing came close to saying what I wanted to say.  So, I wrote one myself; a sort of poem to my mom that served as that year's card.  She loved it, and kept it in her bedside table. 

She died in 2005.  We had a wonderful and fun bond, and I will always consider her, my first great, love.
As I am a mom now, I continuously try to build a good relationship with my daughters. 
So, in honor of moms everywhere, both present, past and future I share my Mother's Day card.
For me, it's as true now, as it ever was.

To Mom
There have been countless times when I told that I loved you,
Countless times that I've thanked you for being there and being my mom.
But in case there are times when I don't or won't say it, I want you know always
What I feel in my heart.

You raised me to laugh and to sing songs on a swing set.
You opened the door to the world of make believe;
a world of Mable and Charles and Pokey the Puppy.
You protected me from the Wicked Witch of the West and the Abominable Snowman;
yet encouraged me to see that I was strong enough to face them alone.
You showed me the warmth and the comfort of a thunderstorm as well as the sun.
You held me and helped me through times of tears,
Whether it was a broken toy or a broken dream.
Then helped me to find the courage to pick up the pieces and create something new.
As I grew and life became more interesting and complicated,
You were there to share, to listen, always with an open mind and an open heart.
Because of you, I never learned to lie- I never needed to.
I knew whatever I did, no matter how it was judged by others,
It would be accepted and loved by you, for it was part of my journey to discovering me.

Through this unconditional love I have been set free. Free to live without the need for secrets to create lies, and free to love others as they are, not who I wish for them to be.
And free to be all that I can be, in each moment of my life, perfectly me.

                                                                                                Thank you, all my love.


Here are some quotes about Motherhood from different sources.

"Mothers are all slightly insane." - J.D. Salinger

"If evolution really works, why do mothers only have two hands?" -Milton Berle
(My thought on this one- Early on in when I became a mom, I thought it would be helpful to be born an octopus, giving me eight hands; till the "mommy brain" cleared, and I realized that would mean that I would have octopi as offspring, thus, defeating the purpose.  Please see: Ever Feel Like This?)

"Having kids-- the responsibility of rearing good, kind, ethical, reponsible human beings--is the biggest job anyone can embark on." -Maria Shriver

"All women become like their mothers. That is their tragedy.  No man does.  That's his."
- Oscar Wilde

"A mother is neither cocky, nor proud, because she knows the school principle may call at any minute to report that her child has just driven a motorcycle through the gymnasium." -Mary Kay Blakely

"Sometimes the laughter in mothering is the recognition in the ironies and the absurdities.  Sometimes, though, it's just pure, unthinking delight." -Barbara Shapiro

"The art of mothering is to teach the art of living to children." -Elaine Heffner


Happy Mother's Day.

Read This Before Your Next Restaurant Visit!

   

    With Mothers' Day and graduations coming up, reposting a post, NAT'L WAITERS & WAITRESSES DAY!, from 2013.  With the new you'll find more cartoons from my husband, Davis Jaye.  If you would like to see more of his work click on his name, and you will be whisked away to his online portfolio; or check out his cartoon website, The Squirrel's Nest.
     Time moves on but some things never change.  One, the need to make a living through working in a restaurants and bars as well as the occasional need to visit such an establishment.  This is an attempt to shed some light on what may not be "the world's oldest profession"; but trust me when I say that by all accounts, it sure feels like a close relative at times.

QUESTIONS...

So here we are again....

Despite the fact that the world has been turned upside down, and there sits in the Oval Office a white man who never held office prior, does not understand most anything, and is allowed to remain... 

We are back to an approaching primary season.  And yet again, there are thoughts about Joe. 

What Nobody Tells You About Being A Parent

No, this is not incredibly original.  This post was originally posted in December of 2014.  I'm not the first, nor the last to make the realization that there's a lot of shtuff, nobody ever tells you about being a parent.  Particularly once the kids get a little older, are in school, and are talking back.

I remember my husband and I scoffing at people, upon finding out I was pregnant with our first, offering, "Boy is your life about to change!"  Thanks.

Please know that I do not wish to insult your intelligence, this is just merely my take and awe, about the experience of being a parent.  So, if any of the following statements are new to you; you now can't claim that nobody warned you about that.

I'm not even sure I should write this.  If you are an expectant parent, and as smugly naive in your ignorance as my husband and I were, this will fall on deaf ears- whatever.  Let me assure you, your well meaning albeit exorbitantly tired friends who've already taken the kid plunge are correct: You and your partner/spouse/whatever will not eat any meals together, especially not out at a restaurant, for many years to come.  Really.  If you have more than one; could be 10-15.  Set the bar high; if it's sooner it'll come as a pleasant surprise.

As for all of the parenting books out there, for when the kids are older, I found 1 that I highly recommend:  The 3 Martini Playdate by Christie Mellor.  Trust me, you'll thank me.

As for my contribution, here they are.

One tip, I'd like to add, which may already be in Today's Toys ; DO NOT BUY ANY TOY YOU ARE NOT WILLING TO PICK UP YOURSELF. 

Okay, actually there's another tip I'd like to add; KEEP IN MIND: Once your kids see themselves as big kids/adolescents, they will/may want all items removed from their rooms that suggest they were once kids.  Some stuff you'll save, some will be tossed, and some you'll hope to get at least a $1 for something you shelled out $$$ for.

Thus, another example of the first, of the original "What Nobody Tells You..." 12/30/2014

ABOVE ALL ELSE, REMEMBER:

-Children are a beautiful reminder that we are in absolute control of nothing.  Not even a smidgen.

Sadie's Gathering: In A World... Not So Far Away...

Sadie's Gathering: In A World... Not So Far Away...: ... actually, right here on Earth.      For those of you reading, who live on Earth, the following may be of interest.