A Little Dab of This & A Little Dash of That

Wednesday, April 23, 2014

Let's Talk About Sex... Again.

This was a post I ran last summer.  If you've already read it, and don't wish to again, please scroll to the end for the update, links to 2 great posts by other authors that are relevant.  And again, be lovely, and take care of one another.

     No, this wasn't a tease, when I listed this in "What's Brewin'".  I did mean to post it earlier, but, better late than never.  Huffington Post recently featured an interview with Judy Blume and so for what I think are obvious reasons, I was reminded about this post that I started in April.

     Summer is in the air; what better time to talk about sex?

     Sorry, this is not a "how to" post.  This being the internet though, I'm sure if that's what you are in the market for, you shouldn't have a problem finding that.

     This post is about the "the talk"; the facts of life chat; the birds and the bees.  I trust if you are here, and are of a certain age, you are in the know.  Now, we are coming to the time to start passing on that knowledge to the next generation. There are points that we have started discussing with our kids, and I think, (and hope) that it's going to be quite a bit less uncomfortable than it was for my parents.
     As I imagine, or rather hope, it is with each generation; the parent thinks for a bit, and plans how to explain everything, and then prepares to answer the invariable questions, as well as ready themselves for the "doozie".  The question that your child asks that you weren't prepared to answer.  The one that makes you feel like you are back in school during that dream where you are taking a test in a class that you only just realized you had and you haven't a clue.  The question that makes you realize how smart your beloved child is, and how much you love and want to protect them and keep them safe.  The realization that there is only so much you can do.
     So, knowing that, there's a lot I hope my daughters take away.  I know there will be LOTS of conversations.
     First and foremost, that they know how precious they are.  That no matter what, they know without a doubt they are loved.  That they have a good sense of self, and that they understand everything about their bodies.  That it's all good.  I cannot keep up with what legislature is allowing to be taught in schools.  I think every human being should understand how their body works.  So it's up to me to ensure that my kids get that.
     Sex is one of life's greatest pleasures.  It has health benefits galore.  It can deepen a couple's bond, and most importantly, it can create LIFE.
     However, as with a lot of things, sex can get us into a lot of trouble. There are diseases, some can be quite severe. There's rape, which is more about power than sex, but still, kids need to be aware.  Know your mind.  Know what you want. No means no.  Don't toy with peoples lives.  Respect one another as well as yourself.  I try and I will try in the future, to keep it positive, but to regularly tout responsibility.      
     Regardless of how I think the world should be, and how I vote, the world is what it is.  So, I am trying to raise my kids accordingly.  I think we need to talk about sex with our kids regularly. Yes Santa Clause exists, and by the way so does sex.
     I remember when I was around 7 or 8, my dear Grandma Sadie asked, (told me) "Susie, you're not gonna go around and sleep with a bunch of men are you?"  I replied, (because I knew by her tone and look there was not another answer) "No Grandma."  then I wondered, I don't know, maybe; what's wrong with sleeping beside a man?  What's the big deal?  I looked at Mom with a questioning look.  She stated to hers, "Mom, she's a little young for that."  "Never too early," was Sadie's answer.
        Today, is a nutty world.  I think every generation thinks that.  I often ask my Aunt Mary her thoughts, and she's knows it's gone crazy.  For starters, I would like to thump the idiot (woman or man) who coined the phrase casual sex.  Not long ago,  there was a goal to "have sex like a man; without thought or care."  Was this good for anyone?  No matter how many people one chooses to shag, there needs to be acknowledgment of some simple truths, and responsibility from both sides.  There is nothing casual about that.  Let me say it again: it is a nutty world today.  Parents, in addition to the old fashioned basic facts of life chat, make sure you are aware of what is going on in the world, and more importantly, your child's world.  Talk to other parents.  Comb the internet often.  "Lipstick Parties" and "Rainbow Parties" were recently brought to my attention.   I realized yet again, how naive I am.  I also remember enough of what it was like to be young, unsure, uncomfortable, unaware, confused, the extreme highs; the soul crushing lows... you couldn't pay me enough to go through it again.  Know your kids.  Know their friends.  Make sure your kids KNOW you love them and are there for them no matter what.
     Sex is an area where there are a lot of choices to consider.  As with all choices, there are consequences that will happen.  The more informed and educated a person is, the wiser the decision is made.  Children also need to be taught (as do some adults) that things don't always go ideally.  Sometimes, no matter how prepared, educated, responsible people are, life steps in and has its own plans.  For those times,  I believe we must go back to the beginning, and remember how precious we all are to one another.  To get this point across, I for one, will repeat it till I am blue in the face, say it 1000 different ways,  get tongue tied saying it in Swahili, to make sure my daughters fully comprehend that simple truth, that no matter what life brings; I love them.

Be lovely and take care of one another.

4/22/14 Update: Here's a great article by Megan Maas: 8 Tips for the "Sex Talk" With Your Kids
 and as referenced, here's a great letter from a mom to a son: http://angieup.tumblr.com/post/64577581035/son-its-okay-if-you-dont-get-laid-tonight

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