Thursday, January 9, 2014

A Few Thoughts From The Prude



      As I stated a few days ago on my facebook page, I have been of two minds about doing this post.  My aforementioned aversion to scatological topics; missing out on the potty humor card as a child; and just well, there's so many other things in the world that I'd rather talk about.
      However, given that I have a 6 year old who thinks, "fart", "poop", and the thought of her "butt eating her pants during the night", are some of the world's funniest things- she can't stop laughing and is so darling... I figured; what the heck, might as well.
     For the most part it will be about Poo-Pourri, that ubiquitous spray that is popping up everywhere.
However I feel a few thoughts are due for adult wipes as well.
    
       For starters, why is it always Brits doing these ads?  I have friends from England, Ireland, Australia; and while we have discussed and laughed over many things, even quite personal topics, what happens while we're in the loo, has never been discussed.  Let me assure you, I don't care if it was the Duchess of Windsor; if she interrupted my wedding to discuss potty wipes with my guests,  there'd be trouble!  Not to mention Cottonelle and Poo-Pourri products are all made in America I think.

      As I stated in "Curious Things" a while back, I wonder who decided there was a need for adult wipes.   I know in the case of nursing homes, and debilitating illnesses there's the need but that's not what I'm talking about.  I am referring to the upswing of trying to sell wipes as a means of thoroughly cleaning the bum past the age of 3.  For the average physically able person, who manages to multitask like never before in history; yet somehow can't be bothered to take the time to wipe their own ass.  I'm pretty certain that I read a while back that despite Cottonelle's (and other toiletry companies) claim of being flushable, these wipes were wreaking havoc on plumbing across our great nation.  Seriously doubt that they help that landfill situation.  "Yea, the environment is going to pot, but my ass is clean as a whistle."
     Now for the darlings over at Poo-Pourri.
     I applaud the success of Ms. Batiz, the woman behind the scent.  Hers is yet another example of the creative, crazy ideas that have succeeded in the past few years.  Like the professional mermaid,  another creative career that may not have come about in less than these "interesting times"; call them what you will.  Ms. Batiz has enjoyed continued growth with her company since 2007, and I'm sure that it will continue to thrive.  Still "the Prude" has a few thoughts.     
     If you google Poopourri, the #1 entry that takes you to their site, is "Girls Don't Poop".  Come on!  We, (women) have things to do other than keep the world neat, tidy and smelling pretty.  As for the dame in the blue taffeta cocktail dress- pretty sure if she doesn't change between working, going to a party, and snuggling with her boyfriend, (while watching a game, no less) the scent that she casts in the bathroom will be the least of her worries.  I'm just sayin'.  As for the claim, "that it saves relationships"; Really?!  I think we all know that when relationships go down the drain, there's no spray between Heaven and Hell, that gets rid of that stink.  If your man can't come to grips with the idea that his lady "goes" just like he does, can you imagine his reaction when you ask him to pick up a box of tampons for you?  Again, I'm just sayin'.  If he's that delicate, there's going to be trouble down the line.
     When you go on the site, you'll find products with entertaining, punny names.   Despite my scatological issues, I applaud all the scent combinations available and am sure they're all just tantalizing.  However, even the manly scent of "basil, bay, and fir" wasn't enough to sway my Romeo.  As you see above, he again contributed his talents, and the man's quote from the cartoon pretty much sums up my husband's thoughts on the matter.
     While writing this, a post I read a while back came to mind:  Everything You Know About Your Hygiene Is Wrong.  If you click to read, go to #4.  Uh huh.  Get my point?  If you didn't click, in a nutshell, it states that through the research of a couple of myth busters, if you flush the toilet with the lid up, particles of what was in the toilet go into the air, everywhere; including among other places on your toothbrush.  Pleasant, I know.  Now, with Poo-Pourri, in addition to whatever else, is on our toothbrushes we can add anything from basil, blood orange, fir tree, and spearmint.   Although mint on my toothbrush isn't an idea, that usually offends, this is not how I want it to get there.  Here's another thought on mint.  Ever use mint soap, or bath wash?  Tingly doesn't even begin to describe the sensation.  I used some once; that soap became solely for my feet thereafter.  Enough said I hope.  Now think about some of those Poo-Pourri's scents that have essential oils of mints and citrus.  Is there anything keeping those essential oils from floating up to your, uh... essentials?
     In visiting their site several times for this post, I can't help but notice that the video that welcomes one to the site, has changed from "Miss Blue Taffeta Brit" to a video that is a 90 second History of Poo-Pourri.   With the initial shot, along with a few other scenes, I am tempted to rename the video for obvious reasons, "Mr. Commando".  On the whole, it's nice to hear the backstory (or would that be backside story?) there were times that I felt a little too much was being shared.  Then again, I'm a prude, so maybe that's just me.
     Lastly, the company now has a Pottie Mouth Breath Mist.  Call me silly, but there is no way in Hell that I'll be buying my breath spray from a company that's main focus is ridding odors from the toilet.  What if a worker accidentally got the formulas mixed up?  It could happen.
     Well, so glad to get that off my chest.  Hope everyone took it in the light spirit of fun that it was meant.  I wish Ms. Batiz and her loo crew, continued success.  As for the wipes, we all have our little issues with the necessary steps we need to make for the environment.  For me, I live in fear that one of those CFL bulbs is going to break and we'll have to evacuate our house to escape the Mercury poisoning.  I also will admit that I have several friends that enjoy all of the above products, and they regard me as a sort of uncouth, old fashioned, lost cause.  I, on the other hand, wish them luck when they get caught without their vice and have to come to grips with reality.  It' all quite cozy.


Have a nice day now.



Psst... betcha if you spray a little mixture of your own, or some other natural concoction (think: little girls' perfume) in the toilet before you do your business, it will work the same.  Again, I'm just sayin'.

Did you hear? There are now, Nadkins! Male hygiene wipes! Read all about 'em!

Also BE SURE TO CHECK OUT -> POO-TUNES
a new product idea.