Tuesday, August 13, 2013

Breastaurants- ARGH!




This post may strike some as feminist, sexist, prudish, old fashioned, or whatever.  To that I say -too bad!  Allow me to vent.

     Just to reiterate, even though I hope Sadie's Gathering evolves as my career, I continue to look for restaurant management jobs.  It's frustrating to say the least, as well as to say it the most eloquently.   <Sigh>  I continuously receive emails from the Department of Employment Security for truck driving school and massage therapy.  <Sigh>   I will put it nicely and say I possess none of the physical qualities to perform either of these professions.  Mainly, endurance of certain sorts.  I would think from what I have disclosed on my profile for this state government agency, that these job listings would not be sent to me. Come on... I am mid 40's; a mom;  not willing to relocate; able to work flexible hours, but prefer no late nights.  Oh, and I have a degree; as well as 15+ years of restaurant experience; 10+ in management.  Which brings me to the main topic of this post.

      Seems as I look through job sites such as Craigslist, Monster, and such, the same attributes needed for trucking, (endurance, long hours) and massage therapy, (again endurance), added with my Grand Tetons, might be more useful to find a management job (than my 15+ years of actual restaurant experience )for a growing genre of restaurants:  "Breastaurants".

     Used to be, it was just Hooters... now that list includes:


Brick House Tavern
Tilted Kilt
Twin Peaks
Show-Me's
Bone Daddy's
Mugs & Jugs

and there are many others.  Just a curious note, most of these concepts were conceived in Texas.  Guess everything is big there.  Sorry; couldn't resist.  I saw the other day, that Hooters' has updated their owl logo- no doubt to compete with their contemporaries.

     Years ago, there was a hostess that I worked with.  Very nice and intelligent in most aspects.  We were discussing "Gentleman Clubs" one day.  I stated that I found them to be an oxymoron- a contradiction in terms.  No true gentleman would frequent such a club.  She disagreed, stating that some were classy and such.  I concurred, aware that some were more upscale than others, but still no man, while acting as a gentleman by the definition I knew, would frequent one.  I continued by saying that when these are labeled as "Gentlemen Clubs," frequently they are perceived as potential options for business outings.  What about their female coworkers?  How would she feel if she was in finance or real estate, and a peer suggested a Gentleman's Club for lunch?  I saw the light bulb go off in her head.  She smiled, and confessed that she'd never thought of that possibility.
     So, nowadays we have the "breastaurants."
     I confess, I am curious.   I know breastaurants have gained popularity in the past years.  How? Who goes to these establishments?  I mean, I get it, I understand.  After all I went to see Magic Mike.  Enjoyed it immensely.   Saw some critique of it afterward criticizing its storyline!  Missed the point there luv!  Back to the subject at hand. (awkward)  When a breastaurant's ideal customer is a man, of a certain income, late 20's on up?  What genre of man is keeping them in business?  Or is there something going on that I am not aware of?
     A couple of years ago, one of these establishments opened up in the town where we live.  Now, where they decided to open up was the northern, fairly conservative, family oriented side of town.  Frankly, it's all pretty family oriented here.  Among the other businesses along this avenue are other restaurants,  including Chuck E. Cheese.  When I found out what type of place it was, I thought 'huh, interesting choice to put one less than a few blocks from that mouse place.  I can remember cracking myself up, imagining any one of the dads I know, (including my husband) proposing, "Honey, Steve and I are going over to that new place, for a bite and a beer." Like hell.  

Not that anyone here is wrapped that tight, just fun to imagine the hypothetical conversations.
   
     Not long after, I read that the  nearby neighborhoods were not best pleased and wouldn't be welcoming the new place with open arms.  Despite the writing on the wall, the breastaurant opened-  and it closed shortly after.  Don't think it made it 6 months.  I never saw more than a few cars in the parking lot; probably the staff's cars.  Can't help but wonder what marketing/location picking genius picked that spot.  Note to the wise: that's what happens when you think with something south of the border, so to speak.  
     While googling around for this post, I came across "How to Eat at a Breastaurant Without Being Creepy."  How refreshing.  If you don't have time to visit the site, here are the 5 tips they suggest.  My commentary is italicized.
       1.  Make eye contact when you talk to her.  If by some chance you are somehow here with a significant other, you better make damn sure of this.
       2. Talk to her like she's a human being wearing an outfit, not a fantasy come to life.  First and foremost, because she is in fact a HUMAN.  Yep, once she puts on a tad more clothes, and takes off her make up, she would not be happy with how you load the dishwasher either.
      3.  Go ahead and watch the TV.  Nobody else is.
     4.  Recognize who "that guy" is and do not be him.  Great tip- trouble is the nasty little fact that after 2-3 drinks (not to mention more) good judgement is the first to go.
     5.  Tip well.  Well yeah... no server, regardless of how little or how much they don for their uniform, are doing this for community service.  For insight, please read my post, "Nat'l Waiters & Waitresses Day".

     Now, you have probably figured out, that I could go on all day about "breastaurants".  Note:  When I started this post I wrongly was spelling the genre, B-R-E-S-T-A-U-R-A-N-T-S.  Silly me.  However, in the spirit of brevity, (as with the uniforms for these establishments) I will wrap this piece up (that, even sounds naughty) by sharing what makes the Tilted Kilt concept special.  Oh boy.
      Another site I discovered was Akhorra- "Quality articles by quality people."  Found this on their "Top 10 Breastaurants", from July 4, 2012.  Tilted Kilt was #3.  Apparently, the owners "enlisted doctors to help them determine a way to make the customers experience more interactive and suggested the touch technique."  Do tell.  "This allows the server and the customer to make a more intimate connection thus giving the customer a more personalized experience.  The better the customer feels after his experience the more often he will return."  You betcha!  "This has paid off huge (snicker) for The Tilted Kilt.  The Tilted Kilt is putting locations everywhere."  Saucy lil things.  "They are already dominating the Eastern side of the U.S. and are spreading faster than any other brand."  Yes, but that begs the question: spreading what?  
     They're not dull, I'll give 'em that.  If by chance you'd like to check out another of the "breastaurant sites", may I suggest Bone Daddy's House of Smoke?  Take note of the Picasso-esque drawings of women.  Then, we have the VIP CLUB: "If Bone Daddy's is like your home away from home... well, welcome to the club.  And as long as you're here, might as well get some extra love from Daddy and the girls."  What does this VIP CLUB entail?  Not sure.  Not sure I wanna know.  Pretty sure if it serves as your "home away from home," you may find yourself going "through the Big D"- and I don't mean Dallas.
     I am sure all this innuendo is meant as nothing more than just harmless fun, so let me finish by posing a question and you can take it as you may.  When, pray tell, does Magic Mike the "chestaurant" open?  See?  Two can play at that game.

*UPDATE: There's a media described "Male Hooters" coming in May to (where else?) Oak Lawn TX.  I had high hopes for a moment.  Be sure to check out "OH BOY!" later today.