The Prude Is Back...

In honor of Mother's Day I am posting a few posts that "come from Mom".  Sadie's Gathering is not a Mom's Blog.  However, I am a mom, and as I had a great mom, as well as wonderful grandmothers, I would like to write these posts in honor of the timeless common sense that moms often try to instill.

Therefore, The Prude is Back...

Mom used to remind me with a knowing smile, "You did not invent sin."

She would repeat this phrase, every time I stayed out past curfew;

or snuck out after bedtime- (I usually got busted sneaking back in);

or just anytime I got caught doing something that was less than the up and up.

     Or if she walked into a room just after a friend and I had concluded our plot for weekend, seeing us  clam up and eyeing each other with a "caught" smirk.

Yea, we didn't invent sin; but I think we cranked it up a notch from time to time.

     One area, where it was quite evident that I was not the pioneer; was swearing.  From an early age, I was privy to every GD scatological term my former Marine father, and college educated mother could muster.  Until, that is,  I,  brought home the goods.  I was the one who broke the unsaid (therefore unknown) rule: "Thou shalt not use the F Word".

     This is one of those times I know I cranked up that notch.  While I don't remember the first time I said it around my parents, (which incidentally pretty much coincides with the last time I used it around my parents); I DO remember their reaction.  "THAT WORD IS NOT TO BE USED!"  "HOW COULD YOU?!" I remember Mom stressing that not even Dad used that word.  I also remember setting out to rationalize my using it, in order to accomplish preventing me from getting into any major trouble with my folks, as well as paving the way to ensure that I could use it in the future.  My line of reasoning went like this:

     The F word wasn't that bad; after all it meant an "entirely natural act between two consenting individuals for the purpose of giving and receiving pleasure and the ultimate- creating life." 

Side note: I brought the F word to the game not long after I had received "The Talk." 

     I explained that that was a lot more pleasant than some dirty, disgusting, poop term or taking our Lord's name in vain.  I went on to demonstrate, that to say the F word felt a lot more cathartic than any of the other offenders.  Use GD!-and if you're a Christian, you naturally feel guilty when you say it.  I reasoned if one chose to use the popular poop term when very angry, they were likely to end up spitting on oneself; an involuntary effect that really would defeat the purpose for saying the word in the first place.  So, quite clearly the F word, I reasoned was the epitome of swear words, if not the entire English language.

Bet you're sensing another reason I was an only child.

Sadly, despite my furtive argument, my parents failed to be swayed.

Their argument was this:

      Despite my reasoning and well thought out argument, the F word was just too foul to be uttered.  They noted this opinion was universally felt.  If I did not heed their advice, I was to certain to fall from grace, among my peers, as well as from all society, domestic and global.  I was assured that if I used the word, I would attain notoriety, just the type one generally does not seek.  On a slightly less dramatic note, yet more persuasive to me, Mom concluded that if I used the word like salt, it would to little more than leave a bad "taste" with everyone.  Better to save it and use it like that rare spice that really surprises and packs a punch.

     So, I conceded, realizing the wisdom, of keeping my language mild around the ones who paid my bills.
    
Still, I went through the years "spicing" things up probably more often than naught.

Here are some of my favs:

Gimme a f---in' break  -still muttered regularly at any and all inanimate objects.

The Grand Slam- G-- D--- Mother F----- Son of a Bitch
And my all time fav- that I think is even kinda cute-

                                                                   "F*#% A Duck!

I like it so much I often say "Muck a Duck,"- so I can get the idea across in a multitude of settings.

     You are probably wondering what this little stroll down memory lane has to do with my being a prude.  Easy, I have become my mother.

     As you know, I have stated there won't be much, if any swearing on Sadie's Gathering.
You know that I do enough of it in certain company, and now you even know my favs.  I have also explained that because I often have kids reading over my shoulder as I write, I decided to leave it out.
However, I doubt that anyone's starvin' for their daily dose of the F Word; because it has become ubiquitous!
     Whether I am reading a blog, watching a movie, or walking down a street, any street, or dining at a restaurant; it's "well I know it's f'd up, but I don't know wtf, like how the f it got the f there. And WTF, if they f'in want to f' know what I f'in think..."  
                                                                 What I think?
     People need to go back to school and take English, Brit & American Lit, and linguistics, and expand their vocabulary.  The use of the F Word has become ubiquitous, superfluous and
vexatious.  

     Even if it is the epitome of the English language; there is still something to be said for decorum.

 How's that for a Mom statement?

Ok, It's Official... I am a Prude.

 The title says it all.
     If you haven't figured it out, I spend way too much time on the computer every day.  So, every day I click on this and that and roll my eyes countless times.
     I am not saying I am better or classier, or whatever.  It's just I don't get what the hub bub is about certain things.
     For instance, as a kid, I totally missed the boat when it came to scatological humor.  If you don't know what scatological means, look it up.  That's how much I missed the boat; I don't even want to spend more time than I have to explaining.   As you know, I have kids.  My kids are riding that boat right now to the crest.  I try to focus on the sound of my kids' laughter, rather than the words, and the sounds they are making.  Just as long as it's not brought up during mealtime, I am usually quite tolerant.  However, the fact they are fans of Nick Network does not help matters.  The other day, in between episodes of Spongebob Squarepants, (my girls love, I can't stand, although I do sympathize with Squidward) four teenage kids were singing a song about bodily gas emission (yep, I am that hung up) IN A JAR!  I thought -You've got to be kiddin' me!  I switched the station.
     It's a few days later, and I have not seen it since that time.  Of course my girls have to watch Spongebob.  So, I searched the web a bit to see if it was real, or just one of those pesky parent imaginings.  Turns out, I wasn't the only parent displeased.  A dad, actually had to leave work early to pick up his son from school, who had been sent home due to repeatedly talking about scatological subjects.  Oh, and here's what else I found.  Some genius is trying to sell an emission in a jar on Etsy-  FOR $54!!!  Never fear, if you feel that price is a little steep, you can buy a book for $2.99 TELLING WHY  YOU SHOULD STORE YOUR EMISSIONS IN A JAR!  Sorry, I am too much of a prude to include links to the aforementioned items, but heck, if you found Sadie's, I trust you can find these.  Just don't tell me and I won't judge.  Ahem.
     As far as other areas that I am prudish on, I already divulged my opinion on swearing, and you know that I am a big fan-  I just don't want to read it often, and that's why you won't see it here.
Well, while I was researching parents' reactions to the Nick video, I kept reading complaints from parents with very colorful language included.  My 8 yr old reads and reads well.  My 5 yr old can sound out quite a few words with help, and let's face it the best of the best expletives are only four letters.  I shared with my daughters that WTF actually stands for: what- the- fandango?!  Although I miss living in Southern California, I do not miss explaining the the billboards that were plentiful in our area.  Trust me, there's nothing like being caught in gridlock on an LA freeway, (usually the 405) trying to explain to a budding reader, why there's a billboard for "LIVE NUDE GIRLS".  Better yet, why that one has the words Spearmint Rhino - but there's no picture of any animal or the mint that Mommy has in her herb box at home; just one of a lady.  With not much on I might add.  Hmmm... now imagine no movement for 30+ minutes = screaming toddler and 4 yr old, and you've got a recipe for ... oh well I am sure you get the picture.
      I am even a prude about other blogs using all the fun words I leave out.  One of my fav's, recently did a promo post for a book that I know will be a best seller, because it shares some very funny moms', very funny perspectives.  Yet the title of the book has one of those words in it, and the promo post states "You're gonna want this (another one of those words)".  Really?  I am sure some of you will read this and think "oh grow up."  To which I reply, not likely.
     Even as a teen, I remember discussing expletives with my mom.  I was stating the benefits of using the "F-word" and why it is was better than "s--t" which I considered gross; and much better than "GD" because that is taking the Lord's name in vain- with the added bonus of sending something to Hell.  Mom didn't see it my way, so it was decided that everyone (including Dad) would not use any of those words.  Thus, the beginning of my love of foreign language.
     Speaking of language, there's a game my girls play where they just make up words.  Usually used to describe each other.   The sillier the better.  They get pretty colorful, but not in the way I referred to earlier.  Just very creative, and very funny.
     Or the rhyming game: prude, bued, blude, rude, dude, fude, stude wude, sude, tude, lude, zude...
Because when you're a kid, lots of things are funny.  Long live childhood!
   

Swearing...

 

 Update: Added this gem to enable posting on certain media sites.

This lovely is mine, from my days as a wannabe copywriter, 

for a spec ad for Ivory Soap.

     I wrote in an earlier post, (National Popcorn Day) that you would not see any profanity at Sadie's.  Here are my reasons:

     I have days, like many others, that I would get little else written, if I allowed myself the luxury of putting to page every BEAUTIFUL, IMAGINATIVE, CATHARTIC, expletive that crossed my mind. Yes, it's that many.  Also, as I said before, something gets lost; the emphatic quality of SCREAMING IT OVER AND OVER AND OVER. 

     As I have two young impressionable, as well as intelligent and impish daughters, one guess as to how much I get to do just that.  In fact, my husband and I have come up with a gaggle of mundane words to substitute, such as BISCUIT! or PICKLE! or even FLOCK!  These have been so successful, that last night I was especially proud.  I was reading with my 8 year old, David Gets In Trouble by David Shannon.  There is a point where David gets a bar of soap in mouth, only to rationalize, "But Dad says it!"  My daughter repeatedly asked what he said.  I replied, "A word that he's not supposed to say."  "But what word?"  "I don't know... " This went on and on, till I thought of the response, "maybe he called his sister 'stupid'"  Which ended the Q&A session of bedtime.
     I gloated afterword, thinking she had to ask because we've been so successful in our "alternative expletives".  Then I came to the more likely reason:  she was trying to bait me.  Either way, with the "stupid sister" statement, I had the last word; thus, I consider it a win.  Hey, I have never claimed to be the height of maturity.

     I also possess the ability to cast a smile so that you would never guess the "lovelies" I have streaming through my mind.  I was born with red hair and freckles and that "fresh off the boat" look, that often gives people the impression, that I am a naive, insecure, albeit goodhearted, soul.  We'll see.

     Then there's a line in my Words of Wisdom.  Not every thought needs to come out or get put on a social medium.  I just don't want to read it, or hear it for the most part.  Exceptions are most books by Henry Miller, or any of the late great George Carlin videos.  Love 'em both and the world is poorer without them.

    There are blogs that I read that have quite a few adult terms, or comments made with the use of very "colorful language. "  I know, it's early in the life of Sadie's Gathering, but I am hoping for it to be around for a while.  Given that I spend quite a bit of time on it, I feel it won't be too long before my daughters are curious as to what Mom's been up to.  I am simply too tired to come up for a rationale for why I use it here and they can't say it... whenever.  Plus, let's face it: that time will come soon enough, with or without my help.

     Lastly, I love language.  I had five years of French, two of Spanish, and try to pick up as much as I can of other languages as I find, that pique my interest at that time.  Whether it be  Italian, Russian, Greek, Swahili, or German; I am intrigued; love the cascade of sounds; and am in constant awe of the omnipresent differences in all.  There are over 6,000 languages in the world today.  Now, it is estimated that a lot of those have less than 1,000 speakers, but still; 6,000.  Mandarin Chinese is the most popular with over a billion who speak the language.  Visit Omniglot.com, an amazing language site that features languages, alphabets, and even fictional languages.  Explore, and find some new words in another language and you will grow an appreciation for all the ways you can say thank you, and good night, and other useful phrases.

Ciao Bella!