Saturday, May 11, 2013

The Prude Is Back...

In honor of Mother's Day I am posting a few posts that "come from Mom".  Sadie's Gathering is not a Mom's Blog.  However, I am a mom, and as I had a great mom, as well as wonderful grandmothers, I would like to write these posts in honor of the timeless common sense that moms often try to instill.

Therefore, The Prude is Back...

Mom used to remind me with a knowing smile, "You did not invent sin."

She would repeat this phrase, every time I stayed out past curfew;

or snuck out after bedtime- (I usually got busted sneaking back in);

or just anytime I got caught doing something that was less than the up and up.

     Or if she walked into a room just after a friend and I had concluded our plot for weekend, seeing us  clam up and eyeing each other with a "caught" smirk.

Yea, we didn't invent sin; but I think we cranked it up a notch from time to time.

     One area, where it was quite evident that I was not the pioneer; was swearing.  From an early age, I was privy to every GD scatological term my former Marine father, and college educated mother could muster.  Until, that is,  I,  brought home the goods.  I was the one who broke the unsaid (therefore unknown) rule: "Thou shalt not use the F Word".

     This is one of those times I know I cranked up that notch.  While I don't remember the first time I said it around my parents, (which incidentally pretty much coincides with the last time I used it around my parents); I DO remember their reaction.  "THAT WORD IS NOT TO BE USED!"  "HOW COULD YOU?!" I remember Mom stressing that not even Dad used that word.  I also remember setting out to rationalize my using it, in order to accomplish preventing me from getting into any major trouble with my folks, as well as paving the way to ensure that I could use it in the future.  My line of reasoning went like this:

     The F word wasn't that bad; after all it meant an "entirely natural act between two consenting individuals for the purpose of giving and receiving pleasure and the ultimate- creating life." 
Side note: I brought the F word to the game not long after I had received "The Talk." 
     I explained that that was a lot more pleasant than some dirty, disgusting, poop term or taking our Lord's name in vain.  I went on to demonstrate, that to say the F word felt a lot more cathartic than any of the other offenders.  Use GD!-and if you're a Christian, you naturally feel guilty when you say it.  I reasoned if one chose to use the popular poop term when very angry, they were likely to end up spitting on oneself; an involuntary effect that really would defeat the purpose for saying the word in the first place.  So, quite clearly the F word, I reasoned was the epitome of swear words, if not the entire English language.

Bet you're sensing another reason I was an only child.

Sadly, despite my furtive argument, my parents failed to be swayed.

Their argument was this:

      Despite my reasoning and well thought out argument, the F word was just too foul to be uttered.  They noted this opinion was universally felt.  If I did not heed their advice, I was to certain to fall from grace, among my peers, as well as from all society, domestic and global.  I was assured that if I used the word, I would attain notoriety, just the type one generally does not seek.  On a slightly less dramatic note, yet more persuasive to me, Mom concluded that if I used the word like salt, it would to little more than leave a bad "taste" with everyone.  Better to save it and use it like that rare spice that really surprises and packs a punch.

     So, I conceded, realizing the wisdom, of keeping my language mild around the ones who paid my bills.
    
Still, I went through the years "spicing" things up probably more often than naught.

Here are some of my favs:

Gimme a f---in' break  -still muttered regularly at any and all inanimate objects.
The Grand Slam- G-- D--- Mother F----- Son of a Bitch
And my all time fav- that I think is even kinda cute-

                                                                   "F*#% A Duck!

I like it so much I often say "Muck a Duck,"- so I can get the idea across in a multitude of settings.

     You are probably wondering what this little stroll down memory lane has to do with my being a prude.  Easy, I have become my mother.

     As you know, I have stated there won't be much, if any swearing on Sadie's Gathering.
You know that I do enough of it in certain company, and now you even know my favs.  I have also explained that because I often have kids reading over my shoulder as I write, I decided to leave it out.
However, I doubt that anyone's starvin' for their daily dose of the F Word; because it has become ubiquitous!
     Whether I am reading a blog, watching a movie, or walking down a street, any street, or dining at a restaurant; it's "well I know it's f'd up, but I don't know wtf, like how the f it got the f there. And WTF, if they f'in want to f' know what I f'in think..."  
                                                                 What I think?
     People need to go back to school and take English, Brit & American Lit, and linguistics, and expand their vocabulary.  The use of the F Word has become ubiquitous, superfluous and
vexatious.  

     Even if it is the epitome of the English language; there is still something to be said for decorum.

 How's that for a Mom statement?