Take A Moment... Then Pass it On!

**I was planning on running this post again, on account that it's been a year since Ms. Tuff's and Mr. Hill's inspiring actions.  With the death of Robin Williams, who brought so many smiles and so much laughter, over so many years; and who'll be missed by those who knew him, and so many that didn't- it seems fitting all the more. 

So, as the summer ends, and our kids head back to school, I ask again that you "take a moment, then pass it on."

Wishing all love, compassion and hope.

This was originally started Friday, August 23rd, 2013, and as suspected there is not much in the news today about what happened in Atlanta, just a week ago.  My wish is the same nonetheless, so please, take a moment to read, then pass on.  Thank you.

     As I sit down to write, I confess that I thought I would be working on another post.  A post about our Elf.  That post will be light, and I hope funny, but as important that I feel it is to strive to keep things light and funny if at all possible, I know there are more important things.  And THIS is one of them.  Not for promoting Sadie's, but I truly hope that this is the post that goes viral.  So please, take a moment to READ THIS POST, (actually approximately 4 minutes) then pass it on to EVERYONE YOU CAN THINK OF.

     Today, as you may know, my youngest started kindergarten.  All went well, she walked into her idyllic school full of smiles, and I for the most part, kept it together, somewhat.  I mean, after all, she is my baby, my last child, and as she walked into the school I said a little prayer, "Please keep her safe."  I am sure I am not alone.  I sit here writing, and I can't believe, how quiet, and odd it is for me to be the only one in this house.  This week was crazy busy; full of getting the last minute things for school, starting school, school activities, playdates, over tired fits, and many, many other things.  I, along with many other parents, had their hands full, and their minds going 100 different ways, that I was kind of oblivious to the rest of the world.  This includes the occurrence near Atlanta.

     I call it an "occurrence", because we have that luxury.  We were granted that luxury due to the calmness and the grace of Ms. Antoinette Tuff.  In all likelihood, that occurrence will disappear from the headlines, the 24 hour multimedia news, and our minds.  Maybe even as soon as this piece is posted.   Life goes on.  As it should.  But we have a HUGE opportunity to learn from it. 

      If you would like to hear the call, and other related material from CNN, click here, but chances are you may have heard the call, or are at least more aware of the happenings of that day than I initially was.

     In a nutshell, what she did made the difference between an occurrence and a tragedy.

She took a moment.  She remembered that the man with the AK-47 was a person.  Then she talked, and listened.  When he stated that it didn't matter, she replied "Of course it matters!"  She went on to talk with him, shared her own trying times, and let him know that she had contemplated suicide, but she didn't and now time had passed, and she was okay; and he would be too.  She made him see, what he came in to do that day, with an AK-47 and a lot of ammunition, was not his only option.  She cared enough and took a moment to make him take a moment.  Also, THANK YOU to Mr. Hill.  Yes, You matter to me as well.  It took a lot I know to acknowledge what Ms. Tuff was saying, and to give yourself up.  You showed the world amazing courage to go on.  Hopefully you get the the help you need and will be able to see past your pain and troubles at some point. You will never be thanked enough.

     What would happened if we all followed suit, to the best of our ability?

If we took a moment.  To stop, and think.  Before reacting?  When someone says something rude; a driver cuts us off, or does some heaven knows what maneuver? To not go for the jugular, when in a disagreement.  To not think in ultimatums.

 To remember, every single person begins and ends the same way.
 
To take a moment, and remember, and remind, that everyone matters.  To let your kids, your parents, your spouses, your ex spouses, your friends, know without one iota of a doubt; they matter.
   
I think everyone would agree with the statement that the world is a crazy place.  Everyone gets down sometimes, some people more than others.  Not sure if mental illness is more prevalent today, or just more recognized than it was 30 or so years ago.  There seems to be a thinner line today between normal and crazy.  This is not a judgement call, just an observation.  Believe me, I have enough of a history of mental illness in my family to know that it's closer and more common than we think.  I learned not too long ago that the very funny, talented, and I'm sure affluent, Stephen Fry admits to a time of wanting to "self slaughter."  EVERYONE has problems.

As Ms. Tuff said, "bullets don't have a name."  And they only take a moment.  And they create the final ultimatum.

Mom used to say, "Everything is temporary.  The bad as well as the good."  So hang on.  You Matter.

If you have seen The Best Exotic Marigold Hotel, you are familiar with the optimism Dev Patel's character conveys with the line, "They say everything will be alright in the end; so if it's not all right, it's not the end."  If you haven't seen it, I highly recommend it. 

In the last few lines of David Baldacci's Absolute Power, he shares a character's thoughts:" what a wonderful and precious commodity life was" and "how that precious commodity could be brutally ripped away."  He concludes the novel with, "But that was the great thing about being alive, he thought.  Today might not be so good.  But tomorrow, you got another chance to get it right."

What if we all took a moment?  To find grace.  Patience.  Compassion.  I believe that would matter.

The Time Is NOW

      As I write this, there are so many of my previous posts that are coming to mind.  Or maybe it's just my brain is a swirling with all the craziness of the world.  The impetus for the "Go Forth & Behave", was a person screaming at my husband for being parked too close to the bumper of their car.  Long story short: we did not park next to the bumper, and there was no damage to either vehicle.  Nevertheless, this person began our "correspondence" with yelling and swearing, all the while our daughters were cowering under a blanket out of fear of this outrage.  At the time, I thought of "Take A Moment...Then Pass It On", but wanting something more to the point, I came up with "Go Forth & Behave."

      Today, a friend shared the story of Brian Holloway's house.  If you click on the link it will take you right to the site that Mr. Holloway set up.  I'll get back to that in a moment, however, it was the post by Kelly Lynch on Huffington Post, "An Open Letter To The Parents Of The Stephentown 300", that kicked off my interest.  In an attempt to encapsulate in order to make my point; 300 or so teens caused $20,000 in damages to Mr. Holloway's house.  So, I am thinking, "what the?!"  Then you read that most parents are mad because Mr. Holloway has made known some of their children's actions; some are even planning to sue!?  By this time I am reeling.  So I clicked around for a bit and just kept on shaking my head.  Then after finding the "Help Me Save 300" site, I read down through and saw a tweet: "so glad my parents don't give a fuck what I do".  That, was a wake up call for me.  Another one.  Despite the fact that there are parents that are planning to sue Mr. Holloway, I am curious: how are the parents perceiving the destruction that their child took part in?  I have a hard time with parents that "don't give a fuck" what their child does.  Really??  I am open to believe this was only their child's perception; or may be even just the first thing that came to the kid's mind that they thought would be cool to tweet.  After all, you can't expect logic from a drunk or a child; much less if you have a mix of the two.   Any ol' way you stack it... it's not good.  It's 'tweeted' so it's out there: everywhere; with or without Mr. Holloway's site.  Out there for everyone to interpret however they will; even out of context.  Most without knowing the person who tweeted, much less the parents that "don't ..." care.  That is the impression that it comes down to.  That 300+ so many, don't care about Mr. Holloway, and don't care about a whole lot more.            T H A T   I S   S C A R Y. 

     Seems everyday there is a wake up call for parents these days.  Which reminded me of another earlier post of mine, "Know Your Kids?" However, instead of just a link, I have decided to add a little, then repost it.  The impetus for that post when I wrote it was the Skylar Neese murder.   If you are not familiar with it you can google about it, but in a nutshell, two 16 year old friends allegedly stabbed another friend to death, because they no longer wished to be friends.  One of the trials starts in October.

     There are times that I think the world's gone crazy.  Then I remember about the Crusades, the Inquisition, the Holocaust, Slavery, and I know sadly, it's nothing new.

     My kids are young.  Still, it is history and news that make me realize the importance of daily vowing to make damn sure they know without one smidgin of a doubt, that they are loved, and I do indeed, "give a fuck" what they do.  

Because I don't believe "teens will be teens" or "a parent can only do so much" would serve as much consolation.

      Now to repost "Know Your Kids?" because the time is NOW.

Know Your Kids? originally posted June 8, 2013

      Not sure how long this post will be.  It is something I have always felt strongly about, and today, as a parent, more than ever.
      How well do we know our kids?  Let's start with the light stuff.  Favorite color?  Favorite ice cream?  Favorite food? Favorite movie? Favorite TV show? Favorite sport? Favorite book? Favorite song?  Favorite thing to do rain or shine?  Now, a little heavier: favorite class? favorite teacher? Why? Do they have a best friend? Do you know who it is? Do you know their parents?  Heavier: What frightens them? Real and imaginary, example: being laughed at vs. vampires.  What makes them happy?  Do they have thoughts about what they want to be when they grow up?  Are there any kids that they don't get a long with?  Are they being bullied?  Are they bullying anyone?  How do they wish their life was different? Now for the difficult odd questions that we think are a given, but are they?  How do they regard killing? How do they think of death?  Do they understand that for all we know it is final?  How do they see themselves? When they think of you, what do they think of?  Your spouse? Other siblings, and other family members?  What do they think you expect of them?
You know as well as I this is only the tip of the iceberg.

     We live in a time where our children are exposed to so much.   Some of it obviously good or bad, but then, some doesn't fit into "good or bad";  some things we just don't know, and who knows how our kids are understanding it all?  They could be the victim, or they could also be the assailant.  Yesterday there was a shooting in Santa Monica.   Skylar Neese, a 16 year old from WV,  snuck out with two friends last summer, who later that night stabbed her to death.  One of the murderers feigned concern and tried to help the parents find their daughter, which was understandable to the parents since she had been inseparable with their daughter.  Months after the incident, she confessed to the murder along with another girl.  The reason?  They didn't want to be friends with her anymore.
 
     All of these are someones kids.   I know as parents we, as our parents did, and theirs before, are doing the best we can.   Every now and then though, I think we need to think about our relationships with our kids.   Ask ourselves the hard questions; then ask our kids the same questions.

My daughters are young, but I know, NOW is the time to start. 
 
HAVE LOTS AND LOTS OF DIFFICULT, AWKWARD CONVERSATIONS.  DIG DEEP.

REMEMBER- IT'S NOT ABOUT BEING RIGHT.

LISTEN.

REMEMBER THEY ARE KIDS.  THEY STILL HAVE STRESS.  DON'T PUT MORE ON THEM.

REMIND THEM THAT EVERY ACTION, AND CHOICE COMES WITH A CONSEQUENCE.

REMIND YOUR KIDS THAT THEY CANNOT CONTROL WHO WILL SEE WHAT THEY POST ON FACEBOOK, TWITTER, AND SO MANY MORE SITES

FIX YOUR PROBLEMS.  IT'S ONE THING FOR YOUR KIDS TO BE AWARE, IT'S ANOTHER FOR THEM TO BELIEVE IT'S UP TO THEM, TO FIX YOUR MARRIAGE, YOUR FINANCIAL PROBLEMS, ETC.  YOUR KIDS ARE NOT YOUR MOTHER, FATHER, SISTER, BROTHER. YOUR GIRLFRIENDS, BUDDIES  OR YOUR SHRINK.

Is this a lot?   Yup.   But I think we owe it to our children, ourselves, and our communities, to try and keep trying.

We can't fix it all by ourselves, but if we keep trying we can sure make it better.

YOU ARE A PARENT. GO THE DISTANCE.  THERE IS NO CONSOLATION FOR ANYTHING LESS.

Sadie's Gathering: Take A Moment... Then Pass it On!

Sadie's Gathering: Take A Moment... Then Pass it On!: This was started Friday, August 23rd, and as suspected there is not much in the news today about what happened in Atlanta, just a wee...

NAT'L WAITERS & WAITRESSES DAY

     This post is dedicated to all the wonderful and amazing people whom I have worked with, or have known who hold or have held the job description "server".  Since I don't have any conflict of interest at the moment, I thought I would write a piece to address some common misconceptions, as well as shed some light again,  on things you need to know if you are eating out in 2013.  All the cartoons were created by my husband, Davis Jaye.  If you would like to see more of his work click on his name, and you will be whisked away to his online portfolio; or check out his cartoon website, The Squirrel's Nest.
     Even though I opened up the door, I did not receive any suggestions for this post.  I believe I will manage on my own to shed some light on what may not be "the world's oldest profession"; but I'm sure is a close second, time wise, and by all accounts feels like a close relative to.

The Graduation Poem

       I wrote this in 1986 when I was graduating high school.  I don't think I finished it till the summer, so I don't think I had the opportunity to share it with many friends.  I loved high school, and I remember being sad, about leaving and nervous about starting the next chapter of life.  The uncertainty of what would happen when close friends who had seen me through so much, scattered.  I am blessed to be able to say that I am still in touch with many of them.
      As graduation rolls around again, I thought I would share it here on Sadie's.  Hope you enjoy.

The Graduation Poem

The friendship we share today is true,

Though tomorrow is whose to say;

When we leave this little town of ours

And go our separate ways.

Both tears and laughter we have shared

Yet we have many songs left to sing

But when it's over and we say goodbye

I wish for you these things: 

To see the wonder of the sunrise

Have your heart beat the rhythm of the rain

To have a day that brings to you

Tears of joy not pain.

To see the twinkle in the stars at night

And the glitter of the morning dew.

To feel the happiness of being the child

That will always be inside of you.

To find the freedom to be yourself

To snooze beneath the shade of trees,

With only the whistling of the birds above

And the gentle whisper of a summer's breeze.

To feel the magic of a moonlit sky

To find a lover in a friend

And to find your happiness along the way

And just not at the rainbow's end.

- S. Lowe 1986

     
Happy Graduation to the Class of 2015! Wishing you every happiness as you embark on the
next chapter.  May your future be bright.

Why I Was An Only Child...

An homage to my friends and family...

Right now I am scrambling to get the crazy May holidays up and then I realize it is Brothers and Sisters Day.

I planned for this to be a longer post, but as you all know "life" comes up.

I was an only child.  So, by definition I had no siblings and was spoiled rotten.

True to definition, I have been spoiled rotten.

I have family; aunts, uncles and cousins, that were more like extra moms and dads and siblings.
To the point that the grown ups needed to separate us at holiday dinners so we wouldn't giggle the whole meal through.  One cousin is very close to me in age, and when we were young we had frequent sleepovers.  I still smile as I remember Mom storming into my room yet again, "GIRLS GO TO SLEEP NOW!!!  Too bad Mom didn't live to read Adam Mansbach's book, about going to sleep.  I know she would've gotten a kick out of it.  Then there is my cousin who had the happy job of always taking us trick or treating; of course she would not have wanted to be anywhere else.  There's too many fun and funny memories to share.  I love them all.

Someone once said, "Friends are the family you choose."

So, I hope it suffices for me to say "thank you," to all of my friends who have "stepped up to the plate" and been there over the years.  I know that I am blessed to have several people I can call at that "ungodly hour".

During my mom's last year, I spent more than half of that year in WV.   I stayed at the house where I grew up, with only the company of my newborn daughter,  my crazy dad, and my mom, whenever she was home from the hospital.  Later I would learn that my dad was under the demise of dementia.  My husband was over 2000 miles away in CA.   If it wasn't for the regular calls from my 'sisters", (my group of friends that I've known for 20-30 years each, who are scattered throughout the nation) - I'm not sure how I would have coped.  Even now, when I look back it seemed they were on a schedule to check on me.  It wouldn't surprise me either way.

For the one who I talk to as often as we can, who dares me to live, and has gotten me into trouble more than once I might add- although that was years ago-  Love ya.

I have always considered myself an only child in name only.

Happy Brothers and Sisters Day.  I hope your blessings are as plenty.

S.

Random Acts of Kindness Day

RANDOM ACTS OF KINDNESS DAY 2/24/2013
   I was going to post this on the 17th for Random Acts of Kindness Day, but other things came up so here it is now.

     Like most people, I like things the way I like them.  I am enough of a control freak that I understand the philosophy of "if you want something done right, do it yourself." So if I have a taste for something, I will usually try to make it.  I like knowing what is in what my family and I eat.  If my girls eat a cup of sugar, it's because I used that much in a recipe, (doubtful) or more likely, they got into the brown sugar while I was in the shower.

     For the times I can't or don't feel like doing it myself, there are places that I turn to.  Most of them are smaller, mom & pop, independent type of places.  That's not to say that I don't go the supermarket, or a chain restaurant from time to time; but I prefer places that are personal, authentic, even dive kind of places. To me they have that certain quality that embraces and celebrates our humanity in this hustle and bustle cookie cutter world.

     I look for them, google for them, and try to spread the word once I find them, to ensure their continued success.  I know running an independent business in this corporate, handy dandy, instant gratification time is challenging to say the least.

     Below, you will find a few that I have discovered, but I encourage you to find your own wherever you live.  In this day and age, this is an easy, no-brainer, random act of kindness to practice often.  You will be not only helping the entrepreneurial spirit, that helped to make this country, but adding to your quality of life.  I think that when we look for the best in others we inadvertently encourage ourselves to give and do our  best.   When we acknowledge the dedication and hard work in each other, we acknowledge our humanity, and that for better or worse, we are all in this together.  Don't forget to shop with your reusable shopping bags; yet another easy random act of kindness to practice regularly.

Here are a few of my favorite finds:

Frankie's Deli  Lombard Illinois- An Italian deli and grocery that is family owned and ran since 1964.  Great sandwiches, frozen sauces, pastas, and gnocchi. Wonderful cannoli that is filled with the ricotta upon ordering. Go to www.frankiesdeliyorktown.com for more details.

Holl's Chocolates Parkersburg, West Virginia- Swiss born and trained conditor, Fritz Holl opened Holl's in 1986.  His son Dominique runs it today.  Amazing truffles.  Go to www.holls.com to learn the history and browse over the site.  You won't be sorry if you decide to order your own sampling.  Their "Truffle of the Month" is Tiramisu.

The Half Shell, Chicago, Illinois- Opened in 1968, this seafood joint used to be a hidden gem.  Located in the lower level of a greystone on Diversey Pkwy.  Great diverse menu that includes, crab legs, oysters, and house smoked fish.  Cash only, although if I remember correctly there's an ATM inside.  Not sure if it's still the case, but every meal used to be accompanied by a lollipop.  For more info, go to www.halfshellchicago.com.

The Reel Inn, Malibu, California-  The Reel Inn has been around since 1986, but the building has a long interesting history which you can read all about on their site, www.reelinnmalibu.com.  It is one of the places I miss most from my time of living in Southern California.  Huge chalk board fresh catch menu, and no place is more relaxed than The Reel Inn.  You will most likely notice the scent of cat in the parking lot from one of the many felines that flock here for scraps.  You might even be joined by an uninvited guest while you dine here.  Notice how silky and shiny Miss Kitty's fur is?  Note, if you are not the go with the flow type, this may not appeal to you, but you would miss out on a truly wonderful Malibu experience and dinner if this is the case.

The Riverside Cafe, Ellsworth, Maine-  I am a huge breakfast buff, and wherever I go I seek to find the local favorite breakfast spot.  I have come across many great ones, which I will probably someday do a post on, but for now, let me just rave about The Riverside Cafe.  Ellsworth is a small town northeast of Portland, and Augusta; on the way to Bar Harbor and Acadia National Park.  I don' think I have to point what an incredibly beautiful part of the country this is.  So, if and whenever you find yourself in Ellsworth, stop by this charming local favorite.  I was here for my perfect breakfast, (buttermilk pancakes with maple syrup and butter), but they offer gluten free, vegan and vegetarian options, for breakfast, lunch, and dinner; although their hours are varied, so check out complete details at www.maineriversidecafe.com.  They also feature live music on weekends!

There are many nooks, joints, and gems that I have found through my travels.  Some, I just happened upon, while others were courtesy of a friend or a guide.  Whatever your mode of choice, I hope this gets you excited to rediscover your hometown and all the other places your journey takes you.