Mosquitoes; What's The Point?

     I love summer.  However, one of the major pitfalls for me is the wretched mosquitoes.    In the spring when mosquitoes first start to appear, I could swear I can hear them sing and dance, the moment I step outside.  I currently have 15 bites.
     It was one of the lovely things about living in Southern California; very little humidity= no mosquitoes.  In the 8 years that we lived there, I got 1 bite!  And I am certain that little suckers traveled oodles of miles just to find me.  Maybe I should feel flattered ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ 

Technology vs. Me...

Porcupine in a Balloon Factory ©SJaye 2013, This post 

     As you no doubt know by now, I go NUTS dealing with technology.  

     I even fail to see the benefit of having a huge television.  Yet, having to own the latest phone where you can watch the exact same thing, on a teensy-weensy screen... AIE AIE AIE.

     I constantly misdial, mistype, or somehow, get to some unintended person or screen, only to let rip a stream of obscenities~ you probably will not see here.

     In fact, it is quite common for my husband to walk into a room, only to hear me swearing at an inanimate object, that he doesn't bat an eye; he knows better than to laugh.
 
     I often say, "for every thing that technology helps; is causes another 2 headaches."

     There have been many medical advances, as well as other types of progress, that without technology, would only be a dream.  I know that.  That is why I strive with the finesse of a porcupine in a balloon factory to learn and keep up with the latest kryptonite. 

     Writing this blog has been quite an adventure for a non-techie like me.  I have a Mac computer with a big ol' monitor that is larger than our family television.  Boggling I know, that we only have one tv. However it suits us.  I love my Mac, and since beginning to spend more time on it during the last year, I have begun to understand what all the hubbub is about.  Still, there are times that I still roll my eyes.

     If you read my post, The Perks of Being Fired, you'll recognize this picture:

Yes, I modeled for this.

     While I know this contraption is used in many fields, and different professions; I am not a fan.  I understand fully the need for it if you are protecting the President or another person of equal stature.  

     I also get it, that it helps when communicating across a large area, such as a restaurant, sports arena, or stage.   However, in these scenarios, where it's not a matter of national security; I think it's important to realize the impression the wired ear pods give, to what are paying guests/customers.  Those are who keeps businesses in business. 

     I humbly suggest to think long and hard, about WHO REALLY NEEDS TO BE WIRED?

     There are public service announcements, that are showing with more frequency, about the loss of loved ones due to texting while driving.  Pretty sure it's illegal now in most places.  Still, it's unnerving how many drivers, I witness doing exactly that; not to mention how many who are obviously "on a call", while driving.  Either that, or there's a lot more talking to one's self going on these days.

     Think about all the ways technology has affected us.

     I grew up in a time, when one learned how read body language.  When conversing, looking someone in the eye was a sign of respect.  With people looking constantly at screens of one kind or another, looking someone in the eye today, makes people uncomfortable.  

     Last weekend, while dining with a friend at a nice local restaurant, the what I presume was the manager stopped by to check on us.  After the initial "good evening," his eyes scanned the room instead of meeting with either of ours, for the remainder of the query.  My friend had sent her entree back, and when he stopped we assumed it was due to that, but then he didn't mention it or ask about it.   My friend, (who's in sales) and I got a kick out of it.  I think we could have told him Martians had landed, and he would have given us the same slick, rehearsed spiel.
      Dating has changed as well.  Gone are the days of the "smolder" or "look of longing".  Now,  after finding each other through a site, be it Hot Singles, Match.com, or Christian Mingle, I would be surprised if the two individuals in question actually found time to have an actual conversation amid the "tweeting" about the possibilities of their date; who they googled extensively prior to the date to find out all pertinent info.

     On the matter of technology that's less obviously "wired"- remember the good ol' days when you decided when you were finished on the pottie?  In the attempt of saving water, most public places now have toilets that flush automatically ... still figuring out what the "cue" is.  

     Then you move on to washing your hands.  There are times I swear, there must be a hidden camera complete with an audience laughing uproariously as I try to find one spigot that will bestow water onto my hands, as well as anticipate what direction the automatic soap dispenser will spurt.  Finally, drying your hands: the new dryers- you might as well wipe your hands on a piece of clothing (I suggest your own); or if it is working- be sure to hold on to your hat.  Checking the mirror before you leave the restroom might be wise as well.
   
     Keeping this topical, where would some politicians be without technology?  On one hand, (naughty, naughty) without it they may have kept their fantasy lives "closer to the vest".   On the other hand, (I admit, I am smirking as I write this) since they are endowed with technology, it's not in the same realm in my opinion, as other polititians who've committed various acts (and what variety!) mano a mano, or au naturel; so to speak.

    Going forward, this old fashioned porcupine will try to walk the fine line/tight rope between being digitally literate, and overwired.  However there are some of the old customs that I hope remain, so I vow to continue-   
     When I meet someone new, look them in the eye, and smile.  If the mood strikes, shake hands.
     Enjoy and engage in actual conversation.
     Remember how fun it is to laugh with another human being.
     Because no matter how advanced technology gets, it will never satisfy all the senses.  

     Lastly I will still read,  books.  I love the smell, the history, the je n'sais quoi...  that jumps out from my 1911 edition of J.M. Barrie's,  Peter and Wendy.  It's old, heavy, and lovely.  No Nook, nor Kindle, nor whatevah, can hold a candle to that.  And I also love the smell of a wood burning fireplace; no flippa switch for me, thank you.

    

This post was originally published on 7/31/2013!  Ten years ago, yet I still get miffed by technology.

I have a new post coming that will air my thoughts on AI 😉

If you enjoy my blog and donate $, I'd be ever so grateful! 

Happy Holidays! 

Rainy Autumn Days...

     Another rainy day here; fine with me.
     As I have mentioned before, I tend to get more accomplished on rainy days rather than sunny days.  Got up; got the kids to school; did a dab of cleaning (as the saying goes, "a little dab will do ya")  and then visited with a good friend; which was the highlight of the morning.  Now, I will write a bit; work on a few other aspects of Sadie's; then start some bread before going to pick the kids up from school.  Who knows what I'll accomplish once they come home, but I know it will include some smiles and hugs.  Good by me.

     I think I have mentioned it before, but if not, I love fall.  Once it gets cool enough to freeze out the mosquitoes; I am quite content and slip into my relaxed state of mind for the next few weeks, before the craziness of the holidays takes over.

    With Halloween approaching, I always try to read as many of the horror classics that I can.  Sorry, I am a wimp admittedly and cannot make it through more than a few pages of Stephen King.  Brilliant writer, but messes too much with my psyche.  So these are the ones that I can manage, and still get a good night's sleep.

Sleepy Hollow by Washington Irving-  Read recently for the first time.  Great fun and a quick read, less than 100 pages.

The Halloween Tree by Ray Bradbury-  Can't say enough good about this wonderful book.

Frankenstein by Mary Shelley- Good, but I always feel sad for the monster.

Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde by Robert Louis Stevenson- Another good and quick read.  Just a little over 100 pages.

Dracula by Bram Stoker- Been awhile since I have read this and; I found it a bit hard to get into; but will try once again.

     Hope you are enjoying your day, whatever the weather.  Tomorrow, it is my intention to share with all, some yummy fall beers I have discovered.   Sadly, only through description will I be sharing.

All the same,
Cheerio!

Yesterday A Botticelli; Today A Picasso

In my younger days, I used to somewhat resemble:








Nowadays, I look more like this:

                                          At least I am still smiling.

Can anyone relate?

Know Your Kids?

      Not sure how long this post will be.  It is something I have always felt strongly about, and today, as a parent, more than ever.
      How well do we know our kids?  Let's start with the light stuff.  Favorite color?  Favorite ice cream?  Favorite food? Favorite movie? Favorite TV show? Favorite sport? Favorite book? Favorite song?  Favorite thing to do rain or shine?  Now, a little heavier: favorite class? favorite teacher? Why? Do they have a best friend? Do you know who it is? Do you know their parents?  Heavier: What frightens them? Real and imaginary, example: being laughed at vs. vampires.  What makes them happy?  Do they have thoughts about what they want to be when they grow up?  Are there any kids that they don't get a long with?  Are they being bullied?  Are they bullying anyone?  How do they wish their life was different? Now for the difficult odd questions that we think are a given, but are they?  How do they regard killing? How do they think of death?  Do they understand that for all we know it is final?  How do they see themselves? When they think of you, what do they think of?  Your spouse? Other siblings, and other family members?  What do they think you expect of them?
You know as well as I this is only the tip of the iceberg.

     We live in a time where our children are exposed to so much.   Some of it obviously good or bad, but then, some doesn't fit into "good or bad";  some things we just don't know, and who knows how our kids are understanding it all?  They could be the victim, or they could also be the assailant.  Yesterday there was a shooting in Santa Monica.   Skylar Neese, a 16 year old from WV,  snuck out with two friends last summer, who later that night stabbed her to death.  One of the murderers feigned concern and tried to help the parents find their daughter, which was understandable to the parents since she had been inseparable with their daughter.  Months after the incident, she confessed to the murder along with another girl.  The reason?  They didn't want to be friends with her anymore.
 
     All of these are someones kids.   I know as parents we, as our parents did, and theirs before, are doing the best we can.   Every now and then though, I think we need to think about our relationships with our kids.   Ask ourselves the hard questions; then ask our kids the same questions.

My daughters are young, but I know, NOW is the time to start. 
 
HAVE LOTS AND LOTS OF DIFFICULT, AWKWARD CONVERSATIONS.  DIG DEEP.

REMEMBER- IT'S NOT ABOUT BEING RIGHT.

LISTEN.

REMEMBER THEY ARE KIDS.  THEY STILL HAVE STRESS.  DON'T PUT MORE ON THEM.

REMIND THEM THAT EVERY ACTION, AND CHOICE COMES WITH A CONSEQUENCE.

FIX YOUR PROBLEMS.  IT'S ONE THING FOR YOUR KIDS TO BE AWARE, IT'S ANOTHER FOR THEM TO BELIEVE IT'S UP TO THEM, TO FIX YOUR MARRIAGE, YOUR FINANCIAL PROBLEMS, ETC.  YOUR KIDS ARE NOT YOUR MOTHER, FATHER, SISTER, BROTHER. YOUR GIRLFRIENDS, BUDDIES  OR YOUR SHRINK.

Is this a lot?   Yup.   But I think we owe it to our children, ourselves, and our communities, to try and keep trying.

We can't fix it all by ourselves, but if we keep trying we can sure make it better.

YOU ARE A PARENT. GO THE DISTANCE.  THERE IS NO CONSOLATION FOR ANYTHING LESS.

This Mouse is Scary

      This piece was initially included in my "Toys" post, but I knew that I had quite a bit to say about a certain mouse, so he got his own post.
 
    No, not Mickey; Chuck E.  For me, it's not surprising that the name Chucky was the name chosen to depict a certain psychotic doll.  While writing this piece, I became curious which came first, Chucky the psychotic doll, or Chucky, the insipid mouse?

     After googling and binging around, I found out that the movie Child's Play came out after the the chain of restaurants started.  I discovered that I was misinformed about the mouse and his conglomerate.   It is not Chucky, it is Chuck E. and Chuck E. Cheese began in 1977 in San Jose, CA.  Child's Play didn't roll out till 1988.  Let me make clear, I did not find anything to support this theory, but I think it's within the realm of possibility that a writer working on Child's Play could have visited a Chuck E. Cheese,  had less than jolly time with the family, and voila! They now have a great name for a psycho play thing.

     I considered posting a commercial photo of the doll beside a commercial photo of the mouse, for the intro of this post with the title, "Which Is Scarier?"; but decided against it because I didn't want either photo in my archives.  They both give me the willies.

     In the spirit of fairness, let me say that I know that Chuck E. Cheese has brought a lot of fun times to a lot of families.  Just not this one.

    We have visited Chuck E. Cheese three times.  A birthday party with lots of kids; one time with a playdate- which actually went okay; and the last time- for my daughters birthday, which ended in tears and is the reason that I won't return and the reason for this post.

     Let me assure you that Chuck E. Cheese did nothing out of the ordinary to seal the deal, so to speak.  Everything was clean, everything was safe.

     Before we left the house we reminded our daughter, "this is a place for fun, and even though you play games, and get tickets, the toys there are for the most part trinkets and don't last more than a few play times.  The games are rigged to a point so you don't win that many tickets, so let's just go and appreciate it for what it is." The birthday gift presentation was to be later on.  So, we went and spent a couple of hours.  Had "lunch", which was largely uneaten, and bought 2 of the Chuck E. Cheese souvenir drink cups, that we can take anywhere in the country and get complimentary refills.   Whoo boy!  Just what we want to do... cart these "mice" along on family vacations, thus, requiring us to seek out Chuck E. Cheese wherever we go.  First Sign.
     All was going swell.  We even actually saw Chuck E.  Thankfully, neither of my daughters were interested in getting a photo with him.  Then on one of the games, my daughter was awarded a lot of tickets.  Over 200.  This was towards the end of the trip, so we proceeded to the awards counter.  While she had won a good deal of tickets, many more than the trinket counter required, she still did not have enough for one of the actual toys on the wall that had caught her eye.  Second sign.  That's when the tears of disappointment and heartache set in.  Or rather, poured out.  What ensued for the next 45 minutes was what we call a Category 5 fit.  Can't remember what genius of a parent we adapted the hurricane rating system from for classifying our girls' fits, but again, thanks.
     My daughters are on the whole, well mannered, big hearted, sources of pride.  This was not one of those times.  This was one of those times that gives meaning to the phrase "being a parent is the toughest job there is."  During my attempts to calm my daughter, and persuade her to choose something that her 250 tickets could afford her, a Chuck E. Cheese staff member added chirpingly, "Or, sweetie, you could get something small, and save the rest for the next time you come."  She then smiled at me and explained in detail befitting a professor to a naive coed, "that is the way that our guests acquire the big ticket items."  Third sign.  I am not a naive coed.  I am a worn out parent.  Next time?!?  I enlightened the perky staff member; there would be no "next time".  We finally escaped with a calmed, although still disappointed birthday girl.  Three hours later, after some "down time", gifts and ice cream and cake, our grateful, big hearted source of pride returned. 

      A friend of mine remembers her trip to Chuck E. Cheese, when her now grown kids were small, where the sight of this mouse brought her kids to frightened tears.  Not to worry, all three recovered and are college graduates.   Although I think her son still doesn't like clowns, or over sized mice.

      Now, it's almost a year later, and Chuck E. Cheese rarely enters our family conversation.  We can even pass it on our regular traveled street without a whole lot of fanfare.  Still with the commercials that run often, that mouse is never far away.

     Apparently there's an application for your phone that can be downloaded.  Oh, I am sorry, it's an "Augmented Reality App", that you download to your phone.  Then on your next visit, (as if) to Chuck E, Cheese, you go around to different special photo spots, point your camera and the cartoon mouse "comes to life" and joins you in the photo.   Then you can send your photos to friends and family (lucky them), or enter them for a chance to be on Chuck E. Cheese's website, Facebook, or Twitter page!  If you would like a serious laugh go to their site, and watch the "how to video".  Serious SNL worthy material.

     "Make some memories!" "Make them last forever!"  I've got kids, thus, lots of great memories that don't include a mouse.  Heck, in most cases the absence of a mouse usually ensures a great memory.
As for making them last forever, that's not for me to decide.  If I could pick, and was hit with a sudden case of amnesia,  memories with a mouse would be among the first to go.

     Last, but not least, the commercial where Chuck E. says he did all this for me.  In this commercial Chuck E. lets us in on "a little secret"; that when he built the first Chuck E. Cheese he did it for the moms and dads, so they'd have a place where they could go and relax.
To that bit of phony baloney altruism, I end this post with my response-

hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahah..... good one.

Why I Was An Only Child...

An homage to my friends and family...

Right now I am scrambling to get the crazy May holidays up and then I realize it is Brothers and Sisters Day.

I planned for this to be a longer post, but as you all know "life" comes up.

I was an only child.  So, by definition I had no siblings and was spoiled rotten.

True to definition, I have been spoiled rotten.

I have family; aunts, uncles and cousins, that were more like extra moms and dads and siblings.
To the point that the grown ups needed to separate us at holiday dinners so we wouldn't giggle the whole meal through.  One cousin is very close to me in age, and when we were young we had frequent sleepovers.  I still smile as I remember Mom storming into my room yet again, "GIRLS GO TO SLEEP NOW!!!  Too bad Mom didn't live to read Adam Mansbach's book, about going to sleep.  I know she would've gotten a kick out of it.  Then there is my cousin who had the happy job of always taking us trick or treating; of course she would not have wanted to be anywhere else.  There's too many fun and funny memories to share.  I love them all.

Someone once said, "Friends are the family you choose."

So, I hope it suffices for me to say "thank you," to all of my friends who have "stepped up to the plate" and been there over the years.  I know that I am blessed to have several people I can call at that "ungodly hour".

During my mom's last year, I spent more than half of that year in WV.   I stayed at the house where I grew up, with only the company of my newborn daughter,  my crazy dad, and my mom, whenever she was home from the hospital.  Later I would learn that my dad was under the demise of dementia.  My husband was over 2000 miles away in CA.   If it wasn't for the regular calls from my 'sisters", (my group of friends that I've known for 20-30 years each, who are scattered throughout the nation) - I'm not sure how I would have coped.  Even now, when I look back it seemed they were on a schedule to check on me.  It wouldn't surprise me either way.

For the one who I talk to as often as we can, who dares me to live, and has gotten me into trouble more than once I might add- although that was years ago-  Love ya.

I have always considered myself an only child in name only.

Happy Brothers and Sisters Day.  I hope your blessings are as plenty.

S.

The Perks of Being Fired

     A year ago today, I found out that my services would soon not be wanted or needed.  I was being "given the boot"; "getting the hatchet"; fired; terminated; ...let go.

     The company will remain nameless, as I do not wish to deprecate them; nor do I wish to advertise for them.

     It was my day off, and I went in for a planning meeting of an upcoming holiday.  I was then informed of another meeting with two of my supervisors.  Foolishly, I thought it might mean that I was getting the rest of my annual raise.  I got into my supervisor's car and was driven to another nearby locale; an upscale public hotel lobby to meet with the other.  I was then told that I had not developed the way they had hoped.  According to them, I had failed to demonstrate leadership.  I had not updated a checklist to their satisfaction.  In a nutshell, they told me, I was "just not a good fit".

     I was shocked to say the least.  And it hurt.  A lot.  It was (and is) a hot, quickly growing concept. I saw it as "The Cool Kids Club."  If I wasn't a "good fit", meant I wasn't cool.  No matter how old you are, that hurts.  For the record, I think that I was cool enough in high school.

     After this meeting, I understood the purpose of the site; it was safe and neutral.  I mused, just in case.  Of what?  Had to roll my eyes.  Who knows.   The supervisor who drove me there and back told me it was the hardest termination he ever had to do.  Really?!  I remember thinking, "is that supposed to make me feel better or worse?  Am I supposed to sympathize? Sorry to stress you out buddy, but imagine how I feel."  Of course, I didn't say any of that.  In fact I don't remember what I actually did say, but I know it wasn't much.

     I still jest over the fact that I was given 60 days notice.  Evidently what I did for the company that got me fired, they were willing to endure for 60 more days.  Because they cared about me and knew that I cared about the company.  They hoped I would be able to find a new position during that time. I worked 60 hours a week, always had the closing shift- (2pm till whenever; usually 2+am), 5 days a week.  I knew this was not likely. 

     For the next 60 days I was in a daze.  My goal was simple: To make it through with class, and not have a break down.   I shared my fate with coworkers as I felt the need.  I was told, "you are handling it so well," (HA!) "I would have walked out or thrown a fit!"  No you wouldn't.  Not if you were me.  Not if you were raised to not bite the hand that feeds you.  Not if you had a family counting on you.  I was even asked by the supervisors that did the deed, "What are you thinking? How are you feeling?" Pouring salt on a wound comes to mind.  Again, I didn't say much, as I don't believe in burning bridges.

     So, my 60 days came and went without a much ado.

     Now, for the perks.

     As with all changes of this sort- changes that occur based on something ending, whether it be with school, a job, or a relationship, there is a period of adjustment.  You find yourself with the time that you used to spend on whatever just ended.  You catch up on your sleep.  You have a break down of varying degree.  You have vivid imaginings that would not only burn those bridges, it would eviscerate them. Then you "clean house".   You get rid of all emails, papers, paraphernalia pertaining to the subject at hand.

     Then you set upon life anew.  You start all over again.  You can reinvent yourself.  More importantly, you rediscover yourself.

     The first sign that all was going to be good?  I was there when my eldest daughter took the training wheels off.  It was me that knew she'd "get it" if she rode first on the grass.  And I was there, less than an hour later when she rode down the street, training wheel free, wearing a huge proud smile.

     Know what else I discovered?  They were right,  I wasn't a good fit; more importantly they were not a good fit for me.  Not only were they not a good fit; they were not good for me. 
     I had not been gone more than 2 months when my husband told me that he was glad I was no longer with that company.  He told me I had smiled and laughed more in the past 2 months than I had the entire time I had been with the company.  I knew he was right.  While I worked for the company, I had often come home in tears, usually from fatigue.  I am now in my 40's, a parent, and no longer the night owl that I was in my 20's and early 30's.  Also, the main reason I had entered my former career was that it married my two loves of people and food.  During a hiatus of 7 years from the restaurant business,  I had changed; but so had the restaurant business.  Especially large corporate restaurants companies like this one.  During my last days there, I looked around at my coworkers; a lot of times I did not see smiles.  I knew it was going to be good to move on.

     Today, as with everywhere else, there is a lot more technology in the make up of the day to day business of the average restaurant.  One of the things I had to get used to was the James Bond like over the ear, round the collar, "hidden" radio contraption.  Courtesy of my husband, here's a pretty accurate depiction of how well I adapted to that gadget:

I don't want that many wires coming from me when I am dying; much less while I am living.  I know there are lots of jobs that use them and people adapt fine- hats off to them.

     "It's not personal, it's business," is a phrase I often heard.  Guess what?  I'm a person.  If you want my business, you'd better damn well make it personal.  The company is one that prides itself on caring about people, and open and honest communication.  Heads up: the companies that tout "open and honest communication"- that only works when it's coming from the top.  It gives them carte blanche to tell you what they think of you without any regard of your feelings.  Don't believe me?  Try it; but at your own peril.  Remember: these are the people that sign your paychecks.  Again, I am a person.  That pesky fact rears its head time and time again.  There's only so much "open and honest for your growth and development" one can take.  It's one thing to hear "constructive criticism" when you are starting out in your chosen field.  It is essentially helpful, and there is much to learn from it.  However after years learning, working and being successful, that "constructive criticism" often comes off as condescending and rude.  Especially if the helpful one hasn't bothered with learning finesse, tact, and manners. 

     So, the big perk is, I am no longer there.  If I'd had been honest with myself, I would have had to fess up that in fact, I wasn't happy; it wasn't a good fit- and I deserved better.  However, as no doubt others have found, the security of a paycheck and the time that you spend working, doesn't leave a whole lot of room to consider "should I be doing something else?" 

     It's now a year later, and I am doing fine.  I am still job hunting; and I am still looking for that good fit. 

     That company is of course very successful.  I have no doubt that it will continue to grow and prosper, breaking records here and there.   That's great, it should, and I am happy for them.  There's a lot of good people there.

     For me, I define success differently.   I want something special.   I want to work where it is about the people.  For me, life is too special and precious to hurry up and do it.  For me, systems are great, but they're not the essence.  Neither is it about cookie cutter consistency.

     So, till I find that good fit, I'll do as I do and take life as it comes.  I will enjoy as much and worry as little as I can.  I will spend time with my 5 year old before she starts school.  I will enjoy this short time where in my daughters' words: "I am the best."
Oh, and you know what else they tell me?

I am WAY cool!