What I've Learned!

     In honor of my oldest daughter, turning 21 today! 

     I'd like to share what I've learned thus far from being a parent!  Originally posted this on 9/11/2015, when my darlin was 11.

     Now, as I've told relatively new parents; you're kids are kids for about 10 years... then... when their bodies begin to change in many different ways... they'll remind you of your teen years... and they will be more like roomies(roommates), than your children.

     When I was a teen, my mom told me, my hormones would even out, in around my mid 20's; and I would not view anything as dramatically terrible, as I did when I was a teen.  

     I remember rolling my eyes to her, whenever she mentioned that point ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ 

     Then, I moved to Chicago, in '91, after I graduated from WVU.

      I worked at a Futon Store, for a couple of years and made a couple of friends there.  

     Also, when I sold a futon to a woman, who'd just graduated and moved from Boston; and she lived around the corner from my studio apartment; we became friends!  We were roommates for a few years.  

     Then once, while in our first apartment; I'd gone out with a nice young man, named Pete; he took me out to dinner and we had a fun evening!  When he dropped me off, we kissed for the first time; and he said he'd call me, and we'd go out again!  I thought then we'd be dating for a good bit. 

     Then a couple of weeks later, my roomie asked if I was going to go out again with that hot guy; and she asked, 'What is his name?'

     So, this is what I replied: "Pete, is the name of that guy I went out with.  He said he'd call me, and we'd go out again.  Yet... since it's been 2 or 3 weeks... I guess he either lost it, or tossed my phone...so, no more time with Pete..."

     "Oh my God!  So sorry... "

     And I said, "Who gives a sh*t... there's so many other hot guys in Chicago!"  Then we laughed! 

     Then I called my mom; told her about it; told her "YOU"RE RIGHT!!! I DON'T GIVE A SH*T" and Mom laughed!  

     Then I apologized for all the fits I through as a teen; and she told me, 'Babe, you were easy...' and I replied, "May be because I was an only child," ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ 

     If you're a parent, I'm sure I have nothing on you.😉   

Gender Neutral Bathrooms

The Prude is back and she says make all public bathrooms "Gender Neutral."
In my mind, should have been like this all along.
     Be sure to include a changing station, urinal, toilet, sink, soap dispenser, towel dispenser or air dryer that works, mirror, and waste can.  Handicapped accessible of course.  On the back of the door should be guidelines for all.  Or maybe just a pretty sign ordering all to:  
Clean Up After Oneself.
     I signed a petition today, to bring Gender Neutral bathrooms to every building of the College of Dupage.  The petition was by Bradley Setter, and if you click on his name you will be linked to the petition and can read what Mr. Setter wrote and sign, if so inclined.
     Although I agree with all that Mr. Setter writes, I think there should be gender neutral bathrooms everywhere.  A public place should have at least 2 restrooms: A Family Restroom and a slightly smaller Gender Neutral Restroom with the above sign on the door.  Larger buildings, more of each.

Here's my thinking:

     It's practical.  It's the potty for pete's sake.  Hopefully everyone understands by now that all humans need to go from time to time.  Shouldn't be a big deal, but should be somewhat private.

     Why gender neutral?  Because regardless, of gender, we all do the same things when we go to the restroom.  Maybe we should change the name to something other than "restroom"; lest those folks that construe the sign to mean a place of rest, or relaxation.  It's not.   Go in, do your biz, then get out. Next.  Maybe we just use the term "Loo"; everyone understands, and a company somewhere has a monopoly on bathroom door signs.  This company could also make the "Clean Up After Oneself" signs.  Things could be worse.

     Just think if Chuck E. Cheese would have had a Gender Neutral Restroom, they may not have gotten in the hot water of late.  As much as I dislike Chuck E, Cheese, I know this instance is hardly unique.  There are so many times a parent is with their child of the opposite sex, and the child is of a certain age where they're old enough to go by oneself, but still too young to be unsupervised.  Think a gender neutral bathroom would come in handy for this situation.  I think it's also high time a changing station is put in all restrooms regardless. 

     Yes, half of the population has a certain occurrence called menstruation each month, (and no, we don't all do it at the same time) but as long as feminine products are wrapped and disposed of properly, (in the trash can, not the toilet) no one need be the wiser.  And hey, if something is seen by a child?  What an opportunity for education!

     Close to twenty years ago, I visited one of my all time favorite restaurants for the first time.  Since, this is not about their food, I am not going to disclose the name, in fear of health ninnies out there.  While there, a time came that I needed the loo.  Their loo can best be described as a single facility outdoors, with the only door to it, being a swinging door that did not go all the way to the floor .  I waited because I "saw feet beneath the door."  When the inhabitant emerged, I recognized him as the head cook/chef of the establishment.  He was approximately 250 lbs. glasses, with massive curly salt 'n' pepper hair with a red bandana tired around his head for perspiration control.  He nodded and acknowledged me with a broad smile and a twinkle in his eye, and that is the only image I have of their loo that is little more than a pot, sink, and a swinging door, outside.  Obviously I lived, and I have returned to that great place many times.  The restaurant that is.

     We all go.  No biggie.  Shouldn't be a whole lot to chat about, regardless of what Charmin's, Cottonelle's, and Poo-pourri's ad campaigns imply.  Everyone should be entitled to a certain degree of privacy.  Average time should be no more than 10 minutes.  This includes makeup touch ups.  Allow time in your morning or whenever to apply it at home. If you have bathroom issues that extend beyond 10 minutes, you should expect that degree of privacy to start to dwindle as the next person waits patiently.  If ill and requiring longer time, you shouldn't be out in public in the first place, but home getting well.

     Anything else, should be done elsewhere.  This, I will leave to your imagination.
After all this is the Prude, and I believe in above all, a little decorum if you please.

New... for Saturday Night...Sketches

Just a new idea for SNL Sketches I'd Like To See...

A character who obviously has spent way too much time with social media, and can only answer with "Like" "Follow" "Fan" "Share" "Pin" "Link" and "Tweet".  When their exasperated friend (who longs for the conversation mode of yesteryear) asks if they would like to "Comment", the social media zombie friend answers, "Unlike".  Might make for a funny commercial spoof for something.  "Does your loved one or friend spend way too much time with the computer? Time to try the "Lightning Rod! Shock them back to sense!"  I can hear Jason Sudeikis doing this to a T- unfortunately, I think he has left SNL.

In case you haven't checked it out yet, here's the rest:

This page will be subjects that I believe would make good Saturday Night Live sketches.  Maybe some day Lorne Michaels will stop by.  Any ol' hoo, these are fun to think about.  

-Martha Stewart's long lost or "black sheep" sister.... white trash, but very creative with a variety items.  Lots of possibilities I think.

-Parody of Caillou.  Caillou, his sister, all the characters, and don't forget the saccharine sweet narrator. They did a brilliant parody on Dora the Explorer entitled Maraka and Mittens.  If you haven't seen it click to watch.

-Right now it's summer and I am seeing lots of toys promoted. However there are the "As Seen on TV" toys like Flashlight Friends, Seat Pets, Stuffies, and Tummy Stuffers, that you don't know what you get till you get it and may be more gimmicky than other toys.  They always say "great for all ages"... well imagine a college age kid, an adult, or an elderly person with a Flashlight Friend, Seat Pet (maybe a Bum Bud, for the tush) or a Stuffie-  great for hiding whatever you don't want your spouse or kids to see... different paraphernalia can fit! 

-On the same line as the "As Seen on TV" toys-  gimmicky toys that enable adults to carry things discreetly. 

-Chuck E. Cheese's How-to Video for the Say Cheese! App.  Kristen Wiig and Bill Hader would have done it phenomenally, but I know there's others that could do it justice as well.

-A take on Ana and Christian from the 50 Shades series.  Shows them after 50 Shades Freed.  Does Christian load the dishwasher correctly?  When Christian starts to get "bossy", what used to turn Ana on, now causes her to suspect he's trying to get out of doing the mundane things she's asked him to do.  Hows about does either one get the "7 year itch"?  Maybe Christian is a little too nice now, and she gets the hots for the plumber?  Again, think there's lots of funny potential scenarios.

People Who Sing In Public- Unsolicited

     Thought about putting this on either the "Curious Things" or the "Bete Noire " list; but I realized that it would go a little long- so, this "quirk" got its own post.

     Unsolicited minstrels have always befuddled me.  Frankly, it amazes me how frequently I encounter them.  They always cause me to roll my eyes.  Even if I don't do it explicitly. 
     I am not talking about the individuals who play and sing on street corners in towns, or in the subways of cities.  Those folks I have no qualm with.  I understand, they have a dream.  I get that. Heck, that's why I am attempting to start a writing career in my mid-, well you know.  But that's a post for another day.  What I am referring to is when you are out and about and encounter an individual who is singing loud and articulately enough that you know it's not an oversight. 
     They strike anywhere.  And might I add everywhere.  My latest encounter was at my local grocery store.   In the cookie/cracker aisle.  It was a woman, which seems to be the norm.  Younger than me, (although I've witnessed older) but not so young that she could claim youthful ignorance.  I have no idea what song it was.  Admittedly I am not savvy on all current pop, though from the words I gathered it was a love gone wrong song.  Her voice wasn't totally offensive; neither did it cause me to stop in my tracks and place a call with "America's Got Talent."   I just scanned the snacks and tried to remember what the family was out of and needed despite "Liza's" performance.
      Another reason that the lady's exhibition irritated me so, is that I was at the grocery store.  I am one of those weirdos who actually enjoys trips to the grocery store.  Especially when I am on my time without the husband and kids, so I can spend time looking over, whatever.  I think the grocery store was also playing a song that I liked, not the same one "Liza" was crooning, (if it was, boy was she off) but one that you don't hear every day.  One of those that makes me nostalgic for my youth; yeah, way back when.
       I realize by writing this I may be going against the Carpernter's suggestion of "Sing, sing a song."  But that song came out in 1973, and I doubt that it's what gave "Liza" her inspiration.
     Do they just love to sing and can't keep it in?  I like to sing.  I sing lullabies to my daughters every night.  Yet, you don't hear me belting out The Great American Songbook to an unsuspecting public. 
       I just don't get it.  I guess I should admire their confidence.  Usually though, it just strikes me as oblivious at best and at worst, maybe not totally narcissistic; but certainly in the neighborhood.  Are they fishing for a compliment?  Do they secretly hope by some chance, someone is going to hear them, who knows someone, who knows someone?  Then they'll be plucked from their mundane existence, and have a hell of a story to tell Oprah.
       Who knows, maybe I should've given her my name... 
just in case.

Know Your Kids?

      Not sure how long this post will be.  It is something I have always felt strongly about, and today, as a parent, more than ever.
      How well do we know our kids?  Let's start with the light stuff.  Favorite color?  Favorite ice cream?  Favorite food? Favorite movie? Favorite TV show? Favorite sport? Favorite book? Favorite song?  Favorite thing to do rain or shine?  Now, a little heavier: favorite class? favorite teacher? Why? Do they have a best friend? Do you know who it is? Do you know their parents?  Heavier: What frightens them? Real and imaginary, example: being laughed at vs. vampires.  What makes them happy?  Do they have thoughts about what they want to be when they grow up?  Are there any kids that they don't get a long with?  Are they being bullied?  Are they bullying anyone?  How do they wish their life was different? Now for the difficult odd questions that we think are a given, but are they?  How do they regard killing? How do they think of death?  Do they understand that for all we know it is final?  How do they see themselves? When they think of you, what do they think of?  Your spouse? Other siblings, and other family members?  What do they think you expect of them?
You know as well as I this is only the tip of the iceberg.

     We live in a time where our children are exposed to so much.   Some of it obviously good or bad, but then, some doesn't fit into "good or bad";  some things we just don't know, and who knows how our kids are understanding it all?  They could be the victim, or they could also be the assailant.  Yesterday there was a shooting in Santa Monica.   Skylar Neese, a 16 year old from WV,  snuck out with two friends last summer, who later that night stabbed her to death.  One of the murderers feigned concern and tried to help the parents find their daughter, which was understandable to the parents since she had been inseparable with their daughter.  Months after the incident, she confessed to the murder along with another girl.  The reason?  They didn't want to be friends with her anymore.
 
     All of these are someones kids.   I know as parents we, as our parents did, and theirs before, are doing the best we can.   Every now and then though, I think we need to think about our relationships with our kids.   Ask ourselves the hard questions; then ask our kids the same questions.

My daughters are young, but I know, NOW is the time to start. 
 
HAVE LOTS AND LOTS OF DIFFICULT, AWKWARD CONVERSATIONS.  DIG DEEP.

REMEMBER- IT'S NOT ABOUT BEING RIGHT.

LISTEN.

REMEMBER THEY ARE KIDS.  THEY STILL HAVE STRESS.  DON'T PUT MORE ON THEM.

REMIND THEM THAT EVERY ACTION, AND CHOICE COMES WITH A CONSEQUENCE.

FIX YOUR PROBLEMS.  IT'S ONE THING FOR YOUR KIDS TO BE AWARE, IT'S ANOTHER FOR THEM TO BELIEVE IT'S UP TO THEM, TO FIX YOUR MARRIAGE, YOUR FINANCIAL PROBLEMS, ETC.  YOUR KIDS ARE NOT YOUR MOTHER, FATHER, SISTER, BROTHER. YOUR GIRLFRIENDS, BUDDIES  OR YOUR SHRINK.

Is this a lot?   Yup.   But I think we owe it to our children, ourselves, and our communities, to try and keep trying.

We can't fix it all by ourselves, but if we keep trying we can sure make it better.

YOU ARE A PARENT. GO THE DISTANCE.  THERE IS NO CONSOLATION FOR ANYTHING LESS.

Let's Chat About Rudeness...

     This post is to expand on my pet peeve of rudeness.  Rather, the tendency that society has to celebrate rudeness.

     These days, people often say things to each other that they believe are clever, witty, honest, and direct; when in fact what they are saying is just plain rude.

     To make matters worse, there are these lovely things called "reality shows" that have grown in popularity over the last decade.  Not only do they glorify and desensitize people to rudeness, not being able to control ones own temper has become a trait to admire.  Personally, I think if you are past the age of 8 and haven't learned to reign it in, SEEK HELP.  If one wants to tell me that helps the ratings, and when the cameras are off everyone is super swell; well, that's not reality.  It's just off putting at its best.  Gordan Ramsay may be a wonderful husband, father and humanitarian, but I don't know and I haven't sought to find out simply because I do not think that temper tantrums are entertaining.  As a parent I get my fix.  Not to mention that I live in an extremely family oriented community, so if my girls are on their best behavior one day, I need not travel far to witness some other child's meltdown.  So, that's my thought on reality shows.

     Only problem is, it is reality in a lot of circumstances these days.

     The word snap, used to mean a type of closure. Now it means gotcha!  Everyone loves to diss... How did this word come about?  It is slang for "to disrespect".  So... the beat goes on.

     I hate to admit it, but I too have joined the band and have an unfortunate talent for coming up with witty quips that are not always victimless.  Some wise person once said "Use your wit to amuse, not to abuse."  I need to remember that.

     I believe our love of technology has fostered our rudeness as well.  With all the Twitter lingo,
and being glued to a smart phone screen; who makes eye contact anymore? An honest to God conversation is just too much to hope for from some.  What's more, Twitter, and many websites allow users to comment, using ID's that may or may not disclose their actual identity.  If you have joined a social network such as Twitter or any popular site,  I doubt if I need to enlighten you how "honest and direct" people can be when they're protected by a "mask" of sorts.  As we delve deeper down the rabbit hole, with our gadgets, and the latest this and that; do we move further away from real human conversation, connection and truly caring about one another?
     Telemarketing has reached insane heights in past years.  How many of us have been unnecessarily rude to someone who called at an unwanted time, (anytime), who was just doing their job in this crazy economy?  Guilty here. 
     There are some cities and even countries that are known for their rudeness.  New York I believe was the US capital, but I think with all it has gone through we have discovered the Big Apple has a big heart.
     Los Angeles is another city where "attitude" reigns supreme.  Curious thing I discovered while living there, is there are a whole lot of people from other places, that come to LA, then seemingly choose to chuck their manners to the curb.   People who are actually born and raised in LA, in my experience were quite nice.
     Of course the country that comes to mind when someone says rude is France.  Most notably, Paris.  Paris is a beautiful city, and again, most Parisians I spoke with were amiable as well as helpful.  However, if you are there and don't speak a word of French, and expect all Parisians to speak English, (which many of them do) then you may be in for a rude awakening.  That "do unto others" idea tends to be universal.  France is where the phrase tete-a-tete came from.  Translated as a head to head or a face to face chat, (vis-a-vis); in this hustle and bustle world who has time for a personal chat?
     As we fall out of practice of sitting down for a chat, can a loss of manners and humanity, be far behind?  Compassion and empathy?

      Which brings me to my big concern over this fashionable rudeness: are we building a wall
between each other?  While there is global warming, inside are we getting chillier? Through one means or another have we become a nation of quick wits waiting for the next chance to pounce, at the risk of hurting someone?  Even if it's a stranger at a store, on the phone, or online; who's to say what is too much?   How can we know for certain, when and what makes up "enough is enough?"  What happens when it's not a stranger?

     What happens when that dam breaks?  What price will we have to pay for being witty?

I don't know the answer-  just putting the questions and the thoughts out there. 

Someone once said, "Good manners are nothing more than a series of petty sacrifices."

Let me be the first to make some.  Have a good day.  Take care of the ones that matter and of you.

Thank you for reading.